面试自我介绍英语.请帮我看看有没有语法错误,并帮我改正.或者有没有更好的.

hello 用在这儿有些不妥,应根据时间选择Good morning/afternoon/evening.I am Jimeng(名) YANG (姓) and my English name is Mary.I am very happy to meet you all.I'm 12 and currently attending Wuyi Primary School.I like to read books during my spare time.I think reading books is my most favorite hobby.I have other hobbies as well,such as swimming and drawing.I have one dream,that is,I want to become a writer in the future.To make this dream become true,I hope to become a student at BD Middle School.That's all.Thank you.
我做了一些修改,
再问： . 非得这样说吗I am Jimeng(名) YANG (姓)
再答： 中国人讲英文通常都会用 My name is, 而在美国，我们通常用I am 来说姓名。 两句都可以，但 I am 更加口语化点。 还有问题吗?
再问： I am YANGJimeng可以吗
再答： 姓名 做英文里一定要颠倒， 即 先 名 后 姓。